


the first and the last

by irumasrighttit



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Jearmin - Freeform, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 06:36:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15924899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irumasrighttit/pseuds/irumasrighttit
Summary: as he struggles to sleep, jean recalls his and armins first kiss. He also remembers their last.





	the first and the last

_ “Hah, you’re so stupid…” Jean laughed, closed lidded, as Armin sat down next to him, embarrassed; flustered. As he recovered from laughter, Jean opened his watered eyes to meet Armin, and forced himself to stifle an oncoming giggle.  _ __  
__  
_ They sat on a wooden porch swing, outside a hunters cottage, in the middle of a vast forest, oak trees towering over them, intimidating all who stood below. The golden glow of a sunset scattered across the twos faces, illuminating their features, highlighting everything under the darkened pink-red sky. When the swing creaked under their legs, Jean let out an audible sigh, and Armin yawned, tired, exhausted. A kick of Jean’s leather clad boots was enough to wake Armin out of whatever daydream he was in the midst of. Blue eyes blinked in surprise, as Jean slapped a hand to Armin’s knee, and let out a small chuckle and peered to Armin, inspecting his confused face. _ __  
_  
_ __ “What’re you thinking about?” The taller one smiled, soft, as he was being scanned by Armin. 

__  
_ “..Oh, it’s… It’s nothing much, really.” Armin looked back to his knees from Jean’s defined, glowy face. As Armin intertwined his fingers with the ones on his knee, he shook his head. Side to side; his blond hair shook a slight bit from his movement, the wind was still. “It’s just… Where do we go from here? There’s only nine scouts left, Jean. What… What can we even do with that?” _ __  
__  
_ “Stop worrying so much, you’re making my head hurt.” Jean moaned, then placed his free hand to his forehead in a dramatic manner. In Armin’s returned silence, he removed his hand, and forced a small, reassuring grin. “We’ll figure it out. For now, let’s just have a bit of peace, yeah? We have a whole night without Eren screaming, how great is that?” He laughed, Armin chuckled, a little. “Let’s make the most of this peace. And, when tomorrow comes, we can figure it out then.” _ __  
__  
_ “...Yeah.” A quiet, but trusting reply followed. Armin felt safe. He looked up from his knees, to meet Jean’s face, which was glued to him already, curiously. With the only sound filling the silence being the rustle of oak branches and fern leaves, they had their oppositely coloured eyes unmoved from each other. And then, as if their lips were oppositely charged magnets, they attracted each other.  _ __  
_  
_ __ Jean and Armin had their lips pulled together by an invisible force.

 

-

 

In a cold sweat, Jean woke, scared, terrified, confused. His mind was scattered as he regained his composure, panting. He was sat up in a single bed, thin white sheets soaked in sweat. The window on the other end of the wooden room was open, thin, translucent red curtain fluttered in front. Beside his bed was a small, oak wood table, with a tall, single candle to the right of it, that dull flame serving as the only lightsource of the dark room.

  
Outside the window, it was pitch black.   
  
As Jean continued to look around in a flurry, each shake of his head calms him down more.

 

“Why was I dreaming about that..?” He asks, whispering, in a quiet, low, raspy voice, careful not to wake up the others in neighbouring rooms. A small laugh had escaped as he held his head in his trembling fingers. “Why..? Why can’t I just forget it?”   
  
Jean’s head pounded. He looked to the empty bed beside his own.

  
“...Why can’t I just forget him?”

  
He ran a hand through his long, grown out hair.   
  
“I need to move on, already.”

 

-

 

_ Adrenaline coursing through their veins, the world had stopped moving around them. Crimson blood scatters over Jean’s jacket, as Armin splutters, weak, fragile. As Armin falls into Jean’s arms, he falls down onto his back, landing on the soft, stained grass. Fingers trembling, Armin lifts up his head, and hovers it over Jean, short, blond hair blowing. His blood soaked lips quiver, terrified, as he stares down at Jean, who looks back up at him, confused. Both of their hearts were pounding onto each other, as Armin’s body would raise slightly with Jean’s deep yet shallow breaths. _

_  
_ _ His sharp, hazel irises reflect shock, and surprise, wide eyed as he tastes blood on his own lips, from Armins. It was as if the kiss contained all the emotions Armin was feeling at that very moment. _

 

_ Sadness, despair, loss, fear, uncertainty.  _ __  
_  
_ __ Jean wanted to pull back, to tell Armin he’d be okay. But he didn’t want to lie, both of them knew that it wouldn’t ever be okay. Armin was going to die.

 

_ As they kissed, Jean heard Armin sob on top of him, and felt the way his mouth tried to muffle wails. The world around them had stopped moving, as they focused on each other, and the synced up rhythm of both their beating hearts. _

 

_ He’d be gone, soon, when dusk falls upon this land.  _

_  
_ _ Armin pulled back, crimson lips being his focal point. _

 

_ “W-well… I don’t have long left, you know. So, come on. We gotta get moving.” He stands up, off Jean, and pulls the latter up. _

 

-

__  
_ “How did it end up this way?” A rain droplet drips down Jean’s nose, cold.  _ __  
_  
_ __ Droplet after droplet after droplet, Jean is soaked by the grey rain. But Jean’s closed, grey eyes don’t open. He grips the grey grass, and sighs, grey breath appearing in grey clouds. He was leant against a grey gravestone, empty, hollow.

 

_ It was a grey day. _

 

_ Empty. _

_  
_ _ Hollow. _

 

_ “Huh… I don’t know anymore. Do you, Armin?” _ __  
__  
_ “...” _ __  
_  
_ __ “Yeah… Just tell me when you’re ready, okay?”

 

-

 

Jean flopped back onto his own bed, face buried in his crisp, white pillow case. It smelt fresh. The darkness crippled Jean’s looming insomnia, and by some miracle, he fell asleep, waiting for an answer.

 

Waiting for Armin to tell him he was okay, up there.

**Author's Note:**

> quick, old oneshot I wrote for a challenge on amino! Please tell me if there're any mistakes :)


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